The Confidence Myth

What Actors Get Wrong About Confidence

Have you ever noticed something strange about actors?

We're told to become emotionally available... emotionally vulnerable... emotionally open.

And then we're expected to develop a thick skin.

We're supposed to feel everything...

...and somehow let nothing hurt us.

Now that's quite a job description.

So today, I'd like to explore something we hear all the time in acting classes, auditions, workshops—even from

casting directors.

"Just be confident."

Really?

What does that actually mean?

Because after spending decades on both sides of the audition table, I think we've been talking about

confidence all wrong.

Let's change that.

INTRODUCTION

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Casting Actors Cast.

I'm Jeffrey Dreisbach.

If you're joining me for the first time, welcome. And if you've been listening for a while, thank you for making

me part of your acting journey.

Every week we talk about the craft, the business, and perhaps most importantly, the mindset that allows

actors to build long, creative, and fulfilling careers.

Because booking a role is wonderful...

But building a career?

That's a different skill entirely.

Today's conversation isn't really about auditions.

It's about something much bigger.

It's about the relationship you have with yourself.

And that relationship quietly walks into every audition before you do.

You know, I can't count the number of times I've heard an actor say...

"Jeff, I just wish I had more confidence."

Maybe you've said something similar.

Maybe you've thought...

"If I were only more confident, I'd audition better."

"I'd get more callbacks."

"I'd stop second-guessing myself."

"I'd finally feel like I belong in this business."

I understand.

I've thought those same things myself.

But here's what I've learned.

Confidence isn't something you go out and find.

It isn't hidden behind the perfect acting class...

or the perfect agent...

or the perfect self-tape setup.

Confidence is something much quieter than that.

And I think we've mistaken it for something it was never meant to be.

THE CONFIDENCE MYTH

Let's think about this for a second.

What picture comes into your mind when you hear the word confidence?

Most people imagine someone who walks into a room with perfect posture...

a firm handshake...

great eye contact...

never seems nervous...

always knows exactly what to say.

We've all met people like that.

Or at least we've met people who appear that way.

But here's what's interesting.

Some of the most confident actors I've ever cast...

were also among the quietest.

They weren't trying to impress anyone.

They weren't performing confidence.

They were simply present.

Meanwhile...

I've seen actors walk into auditions with enormous personalities.

Big smiles.

Big energy.

Big handshakes.

Big voices.

And underneath all of that...

they were terrified.

Sometimes what we call confidence...

is actually performance.

We're acting confident.

Not feeling confident.

And believe me...

casting directors can usually tell the difference.

Here's something I've observed over thousands and thousands of auditions.

Confident actors don't spend much energy trying to convince me they're confident.

They spend their energy telling the story.

That's where their attention lives.

Not on themselves.

On the work.

That changes everything.

A CASTING ROOM OBSERVATION

Let me tell you something I've noticed.

Every once in a while an actor walks into the room—and within thirty seconds, everyone relaxes.

The director relaxes.

The producers relax.

I relax.

Not because the actor is dazzling.

Not because they're famous.

Not because they're loud.

Because they're grounded.

They listen.

They're curious.

They're playful.

They're prepared.

If something unexpected happens...

they adapt.

If they make a mistake...

they recover.

They don't panic.

They don't apologize.

They don't suddenly begin acting harder.

They simply stay connected.

And do you know what I find fascinating?

When those auditions are over...

those actors almost never describe themselves as confident.

They usually say something like...

"I just trusted my preparation."

Or...

"I was having fun."

Or my favorite...

"I decided to stop trying to get the job and just tell the story."

That's confidence.

It just doesn't always look the way we imagine.

THE ACTOR'S IMPOSSIBLE ASSIGNMENT

Now let's talk about the strange paradox of our profession.

Actors spend years learning how to become more emotionally available.

We study behavior.

Relationships.

Empathy.

Listening.

Imagination.

We learn how to cry.

Laugh.

Love.

Grieve.

Celebrate.

Fear.

We train ourselves to experience life more deeply.

Then...

we walk into an industry where people we've never met decide whether we continue.

Sometimes in five minutes.

Sometimes in thirty seconds.

Sometimes without saying a single word.

If we're not careful...

we begin connecting our value as human beings...

to someone else's casting decision.

And that's where confidence begins to crack.

Not because we lack talent.

But because we've asked auditions to answer questions they were never designed to answer.

Questions like...

"Am I good enough?"

"Do I belong here?"

"Am I talented?"

"Am I worthy?"

An audition can't answer those questions.

It never could.

Yet many actors unknowingly ask them every single week.

WHY REJECTION HURTS SO MUCH

Have you ever wondered why rejection feels so personal?

Even when everyone tells you...

"Don't take it personally."

Well...

there's actually a reason.

Our brains evolved in communities.

Thousands of years ago...

being rejected by the tribe wasn't merely uncomfortable.

It could be dangerous.

Acceptance meant survival.

Belonging meant safety.

Isolation meant risk.

So today...

when we walk into an audition...

our nervous system sometimes reacts as though our survival depends on the outcome.

Of course it doesn't.

But our ancient wiring doesn't always know that.

Which means...

sometimes you're not lacking confidence.

Sometimes you're simply having a very human biological response.

I don't know about you...

but I find that strangely comforting.

It reminds me that feeling nervous doesn't mean something is wrong with me.

It means I'm human.

And so are you.

HERE'S WHERE WE GET IT WRONG

Here's where I think actors accidentally make life much harder than it needs to be.

We believe confidence comes first.

Then we become courageous.

But life doesn't actually work that way.

Think back to your very first audition.

Were you confident?

Probably not.

Your first on-camera class?

Your first callback?

Your first professional job?

Your first day on a television set?

Confidence probably wasn't leading the way.

Courage was.

You showed up anyway.

You were nervous anyway.

You took the risk anyway.

And afterward...

you discovered something remarkable.

You survived.

Then you did it again.

And again.

And eventually...

confidence quietly arrived.

Not because fear disappeared.

But because experience slowly replaced uncertainty.

That's a very different definition of confidence.

And I think...

it's a much kinder one.

PART TWO

You know, there's another word that I think gets confused with confidence all the time.

And that's self-esteem.

Most people use those words as though they mean the same thing.

They don't.

Confidence says...

"I believe I can do this."

Self-esteem says...

"I believe I'm still valuable, even if I don't."

Think about that for a moment.

Those are two entirely different conversations.

One is about performance.

The other is about identity.

And here's where actors sometimes get into trouble.

Without realizing it, we allow our confidence to become attached to our self-esteem.

If the audition goes well...

"I feel great."

If the callback doesn't come...

"I must not be good enough."

Now our self-worth is riding on someone else's decision.

That's a dangerous place to live.

Because confidence naturally rises and falls.

That's normal.

Even athletes have good days and bad days.

Musicians have off performances.

Writers stare at blank pages.

Teachers have classes that don't quite connect.

We're all human.

But if your self-esteem rises and falls with every audition...

You're asking your career to answer questions that only you can answer.

Let's think about something else.

Have you ever noticed how often actors talk about confidence as though it's a feeling?

"I just don't feel confident today."

"I wish I felt more confident."

"I lost my confidence."

Maybe.

Or maybe confidence isn't a feeling at all.

Maybe it's a decision.

Think about your own life.

Have you ever done something while feeling completely unprepared?

Of course you have.

Have you ever walked into an audition terrified...

...and ended up doing some of your best work?

I certainly have.

Have you ever taught a class...

given a speech...

met someone important...

or started something new...

while secretly wondering if you belonged there?

Most of us have.

So apparently...

we don't need confidence to act.

We need courage.

Confidence usually shows up afterward.

One of my favorite observations comes from years of watching actors before auditions.

Sometimes I'll see an actor sitting quietly outside the room.

No dramatic breathing exercises.

No pacing.

No pep talks.

Just sitting.

Present.

Then another actor arrives.

They're talking a mile a minute.

Repeating the lines over and over.

Checking the mirror.

Changing jackets.

Looking at everyone else.

Comparing themselves.

Trying to convince themselves they're ready.

Now...

Can either one book the job?

Absolutely.

But here's what I've noticed.

The quieter actor usually isn't trying to eliminate nervousness.

They're simply making peace with it.

There's a huge difference.

Confidence doesn't require the absence of nerves.

It simply refuses to let nerves become the director.

That reminds me of something I tell actors in class.

Nervousness isn't your enemy.

It's your body's way of saying...

"This matters."

That's all.

Somewhere along the way we decided nervousness meant weakness.

It doesn't.

It means you care.

The goal isn't to stop caring.

The goal is to stop interpreting caring as failure.

Now I'd like to share something a little more personal.

Over the years, I've spoken openly about something that made an enormous difference in my own life.

Therapy.

And I know for some people that word still carries unnecessary baggage.

It shouldn't.

For me, therapy wasn't about fixing something that was broken.

It wasn't about discovering that I was somehow less capable.

It was about understanding myself more honestly.

It helped me recognize old stories I had been telling myself.

Stories about worth.

Stories about success.

Stories about approval.

Some of those stories had been following me for decades.

And here's the interesting thing.

Most of us don't even realize we're carrying them.

We simply assume they're true.

Therapy helped me ask a different question.

"Is that actually true?"

Sometimes the answer was yes.

Often...

it wasn't.

That realization was incredibly freeing.

Because once you stop believing every thought that enters your mind...

those thoughts begin losing their authority over you.

And that changes everything.

Now let me be very clear.

I'm not suggesting every actor must have therapy.

But I do believe every actor should become deeply curious about themselves.

Where does your fear come from?

Why does one audition ruin your week...

while another simply rolls off your shoulders?

Why does one piece of criticism motivate you...

while another feels devastating?

Those aren't acting questions.

Those are human questions.

And understanding them will make you not only a healthier actor...

but a healthier person.

I honestly believe that.

Here's something I've noticed after many years in this profession.

The actors who have the longest careers aren't necessarily the most talented.

That surprises people.

They're certainly talented.

But that's not what keeps them working.

What keeps them working is resilience.

Perspective.

Professionalism.

Curiosity.

They recover quickly.

They don't spend six months replaying one audition.

They learn.

Adjust.

Move forward.

That's confidence.

Not because they never hurt.

Because they don't stay hurt.

There's a difference.

A Casting Room Observation

Let me share something that still surprises me after all these years.

Occasionally an actor leaves the room convinced they gave a terrible audition.

I've even had actors apologize on the way out.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened."

And then...

the creative team turns to me and says...

"I loved them."

I've seen it happen more times than I can count.

I've also seen the opposite.

An actor walks out absolutely convinced they booked it.

They call their agent.

They celebrate.

Then...

the role goes another direction.

Why?

Because we're often the worst judges of our own work.

We're too close to it.

We confuse feelings with facts.

Feeling uncertain doesn't mean you performed poorly.

Feeling confident doesn't guarantee success.

That's why I encourage actors to stop grading themselves after every audition.

Do the work.

Learn from it.

Then let it go.

You may be a wonderful actor...

but you're not the best casting director of your own performance.

Which brings me to what I believe may be the most important idea in today's episode.

Stop trying to become more confident.

Become more trustworthy.

I know that sounds unusual.

But stay with me.

Imagine you had a friend.

Every time they promised something...

they followed through.

If they said they'd call...

they called.

If they said they'd help...

they helped.

If they made a mistake...

they admitted it.

If life knocked them down...

they eventually got back up.

Would you trust that person?

Of course you would.

Now here's the question.

Can you become that person...

for yourself?

Because every time you keep a promise to yourself...

you build self-trust.

Every time you prepare when you said you would...

you build self-trust.

Every time you recover from disappointment instead of giving up...

you build self-trust.

Every time you walk into another audition despite being afraid...

you build self-trust.

And something remarkable begins to happen.

Confidence quietly follows.

Not because you forced it.

Not because you repeated affirmations in the mirror.

But because you've become someone your own mind has learned it can rely on.

And honestly...

I think that's far more powerful.

PART THREE

You know, the older I get, the more I realize that confidence isn't something I've finally achieved.

It's something I continue to practice.

Some days it's stronger than others.

Some days I feel completely connected to my work.

Other days I question myself just like everyone else.

And you know what?

That's perfectly normal.

Confidence isn't a destination.

It's a relationship.

It's something we return to over and over again.

Let's think about children for a moment.

Have you ever watched a toddler learn to walk?

They stand up.

They wobble.

They fall.

They cry for about three seconds.

Then they stand up and do it again.

No one has to convince them they're "walking material."

They don't decide after the third fall...

"Maybe walking just isn't for me."

Can you imagine?

"I've fallen four times today. I think I'll pursue crawling professionally."

Of course not.

We laugh because it sounds ridiculous.

But as adults...

we do exactly that.

One difficult audition.

One critical review.

One rejection.

One callback that doesn't happen.

And suddenly we begin questioning whether we belong in the profession at all.

What changed?

Not our ability.

Our interpretation.

Children interpret falling as learning.

Adults often interpret falling as failing.

There's a tremendous difference.

Here's another thought.

Actors spend an enormous amount of time trying to eliminate uncertainty.

"I'll feel confident once I know exactly what they want."

"I'll feel confident once I have a better agent."

"I'll feel confident after I book my next role."

But the truth is...

certainty isn't part of our profession.

It never has been.

Every audition is uncertain.

Every callback is uncertain.

Every contract is uncertain.

Every career is uncertain.

Confidence isn't learning to control uncertainty.

It's learning to function beautifully inside it.

That's what professionals do.

A Casting Room Observation

One of the greatest privileges of my career has been watching extraordinary actors work.

Some have won awards.

Some became household names.

Some built wonderful careers without ever becoming famous.

Do you know what they all had in common?

Not perfection.

Professionalism.

They arrived prepared.

They listened.

They collaborated.

They adjusted.

They remained curious.

Most importantly...

they didn't spend all of their energy trying to prove themselves.

They spent it serving the story.

That's worth repeating.

They weren't trying to prove they deserved the role.

They were trying to understand the character.

Those are two completely different energies.

And believe me...

people in the room can feel the difference.

I'd like to leave you with something that took me a very long time to understand.

Confidence isn't something another person gives you.

Not your agent.

Not your acting teacher.

Not your spouse.

Not your audience.

Not your casting director.

We can encourage you.

We can believe in you.

We can even hire you.

But none of us can hand you confidence.

Because confidence doesn't arrive from the outside.

It grows quietly from the inside...

every time you honor the commitments you've made to yourself.

So how do we actually build that relationship?

I'd like to offer five simple practices.

Not because they'll make you fearless.

But because they'll make you trustworthy.

First...

Keep promises to yourself.

If you tell yourself you're going to prepare...

prepare.

If you schedule time to read a play...

read it.

If you promise yourself you'll submit that self-tape...

submit it.

Self-trust grows through consistency.

Second...

Separate effort from outcome.

You control your preparation.

You control your professionalism.

You control your imagination.

You do not control the final decision.

Stop measuring yourself by things you never had the power to control in the first place.

Third...

Collect evidence.

Instead of asking...

"Why am I not confident?"

Ask...

"What evidence have I earned?"

Have you trained?

Have you improved?

Have you survived difficult auditions?

Have you booked work before?

Have you made people laugh?

Cry?

Think?

Then you already have evidence.

Your mind simply forgets to look for it.

Fourth...

Celebrate courage.

Not just success.

Walking into the room matters.

Sending the self-tape matters.

Taking the class matters.

Trying again matters.

The industry celebrates bookings.

I think we should celebrate bravery.

Because bravery is available every day.

And finally...

Stay curious.

Curiosity leaves very little room for fear.

Instead of wondering...

"What do they think of me?"

Try asking...

"What can I discover about this character?"

Instead of asking...

"What if I fail?"

Ask...

"What if I surprise myself?"

Curiosity is one of the healthiest forms of confidence I know.

The Reset

So here's your Reset for this week.

For just seven days...

stop asking yourself...

"Do I feel confident?"

Instead ask...

"What do I trust about myself today?"

Maybe today you trust your preparation.

Maybe today you trust your work ethic.

Maybe you trust your sense of humor.

Your imagination.

Your resilience.

Your kindness.

Your professionalism.

Your ability to begin again.

Because confidence isn't the only thing worth trusting.

Sometimes trusting yourself is enough.

And in my experience...

that's exactly where confidence begins.

Before we wrap up...

I'd like to leave you with one final image.

Imagine confidence as a shadow.

Have you ever tried to catch your own shadow?

You can't.

The harder you chase it...

the farther away it seems.

But the moment you simply begin walking toward the light...

your shadow follows automatically.

Confidence works much the same way.

If you chase confidence...

you'll probably spend your life wondering where it went.

But if you walk toward growth...

preparation...

curiosity...

service...

and self-trust...

confidence quietly follows behind you.

Not because you chased it.

Because it was never the destination.

It was always the companion.

So the next time someone tells you...

"Just be more confident..."

I hope you'll smile.

Because now you know something a little different.

Confidence isn't pretending you're fearless.

Confidence isn't believing you'll book every role.

Confidence isn't walking into a room trying to impress everyone.

Confidence is walking into that room knowing this one audition doesn't determine your worth.

Confidence is trusting your preparation.

Trusting your craft.

Trusting your imagination.

Trusting your resilience.

And most importantly...

trusting yourself.

Thank you so much for spending this time with me today.

If today's conversation resonated with you, I'd love for you to share this episode with another actor who may

need to hear it.

And remember...

The world doesn't need actors who never feel fear.

It needs actors who have learned not to let fear make their decisions.

I'm Jeffrey Dreisbach.

Thank you for listening to Casting Actors Cast.

Until next time...

Keep learning.

Keep growing.

Keep telling stories that matter.

And remember...

The audition is not asking, "How confident are you?"

It's asking, "Can I trust you with this story?"

I'll see you next time.